Madness
by hkfoot
Summary: Ashura takes Fai in. As one grows up, the other goes mad.


_I._

"The one named Yuui lives," Fei Wang Reed said. "Why don't you take him in?" Ashura knew very little of the man behind the dimensional rift other than his connection to the great Clow Reed, but it was clear that this was no casual suggestion.

"That's a fine idea," Ashura agreed with a deceptively pleasant smile. "But tell me, magician, what do you have to gain from this? Is your conscience not tormented by the cruel choice you offered these children, when you easily could have saved them both?"

The magician laughed. "Their sacrifice is for the sake of something far greater. You needn't concern yourself with my conscience, Ashura."

Something of Ashura's discontent must have crossed his face, for Fei Wang's humor ceased, and he said, "You know of the darkness that lies within yourself. Consider this a way out, for both you and the boy."

_II._

The boy was little more than a living skeleton. His bloodied fingers were like the thinnest of matchsticks, ready to break at the first attempt to strike a flame. Ashura spoke to him with a kindness that was alien to even himself. "What is your name?" he asked, even though he already knew.

"Fai," the boy answered softly, and looked down at the body of his twin.

It was a second before the boy's—Yuui's—response made sense to him, and when he understood, Ashura marveled. He hadn't known it was possible to feel heartbreak for someone he had just met. He vowed to remember the boy's true name.

"Fai," he said, drawing the boy and his brother into an embrace, "Let's go home."

Fei Wang, watching from wherever he was, opened the door of dimensions, and they traded the frozen wasteland for a frozen wonderland.

_III._

Slowly but irrefutably, Ashura was going mad. It had begun as a festering of the mind, the creeping disease of bloodlust embedding its claws into his soul. It wasn't Fai's fault; it had begun long before Fai had come into his life. But Fai exacerbated it. Fai, whose goodness he loved to distraction, whose slow, incomplete healing he watched over with such anxiety. Fai made his madness unbearable.

It crossed his mind once to ask Fai for the feather he kept hidden in his room. He would give it back whenever Fai needed it, of course, but perhaps its magic could banish his violent craving for bloodshed, at least temporarily.

But that would be admitting his madness to Fai. And he couldn't allow that.

He laid a hand on Fai's shoulder, and his young mage turned from the waters that preserved his lifeless twin. "Will you be studying all day tomorrow?" the king asked.

The boy gazed probingly at him, and Ashura knew that same pair of honest sapphire eyes would haunt his dreams. "Yes, I was thinking of doing that. I have one more volume on wind spells I wanted to finish this week."

"Why don't you take tomorrow afternoon off and play outside with Chii instead?" Ashura suggested. "You've been studying hard every day."

"Play?" The confusion in Fai's face was painful to see.

"Yes. Spend some time outdoors enjoying yourself. Have fun."

Fai nodded uncertainly, and it was all Ashura could do to hide his rage behind a kind smile and a gentle hand. "I'll join you too," he promised, and Fai looked hopeful.

Like a wraith, Ashura flew from the castle that night, not stopping until he had reached a small town in the westernmost province of Celes. He massacred everyone, furious for the childhood that Fai had never had.

_IV._

It was a frigid, icy evening, and Ashura sat by a wall of windows, chin propped up on one hand as he stared out into the white storm. It wouldn't be long now. His appetite for death was growing ever more violent, and he had become careless. Tonight, he had met Fai while one hand still dripped with blood. What had Fai thought? The mage had asked nothing of it after ascertaining that his king was not wounded, and Ashura wondered if Fai suspected. If he did, everything would come to an end all the sooner.

A tall door opened, and Ashura lifted his head to see his most beloved subject.

"Your Majesty?" Fai looked worried, uncharacteristically hesitant, and again, Ashura felt a twist of dread. Did he suspect him?

Ashura beckoned with one hand and said, "Come here, Fai. Sit with me."

Fai entered, and for lack of a second chair, sat on the ground next to the king. Ashura let his hand drift atop Fai's head. He caught Fai's eyes shooting a passing glance at his hand—to see if they were still wet with blood, perhaps?—before traveling up to his face.

"Your Majesty hasn't been well recently," Fai said, "ever since the beast started attacking closer to the capital." Ashura watched him curiously as he trailed fingers through the mage's fair hair. Fai looked determinedly at him. "I promised you before, Ashura-ou, that I would protect Celes. Allow me to hunt down the beast and put you at ease."

So Fai didn't suspect. The world continued to turn once more around those earnest blue eyes, and Ashura continued petting Fai's hair. "Let's not speak of such matters tonight, Fai," he said. "I'm not ready to lose you yet."

"Lose me?" Fai's features betrayed confusion, and then indignation, poorly masked behind a long-suffering grin. "Ashura-ou, please, I have no intention of—"

"Shhh. I don't doubt your intentions, nor your abilities. But your king is tired tonight. Let's just enjoy the moment, shall we?" Ashura watched with satisfaction as the blue fire in Fai's eyes quieted into subdued pools. The mage offered an apology, but Ashura said nothing more, his fingers running lightly through Fai's locks being answer enough. Fai sighed softly and rested his hands and cheek on Ashura's knee. His breathing gradually became slow and deep, but Ashura knew that his mage was not asleep.

"I don't deserve this happiness," Fai murmured. His voice thickened. "It shouldn't be me."

"Shhh," Ashura hushed.

"Ashura-ou…" Fai lifted his head to wipe at his eyes. Ashura let him, and when the tears were gone, he gently pressed Fai's head back onto his lap. "Thank you," Fai whispered, and smiled. It was a pale shadow of the carefree smile he had adopted as his trademark expression, but for all its fragility, it was that much more real.

Ashura gazed absently out the window, enjoying the feel of Fai's hair beneath his fingers and the solid warmth of Fai's head resting against his lap. It wasn't over yet. They still had a little more time together.

Outside, the storm raged, but inside, Ashura's madness slumbered.


End file.
